


We Will Never Be There Again

by epaynter



Series: A Collection of Unrelated Prompts for a Captain, his Professor, and their Detective [2]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Episode: s05e12 Safe House, Prompt Fic, Trauma, blood mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epaynter/pseuds/epaynter
Summary: Holt keeps having nightmares and one night, after a particularly gruesome one, he wakes up to find an empty bed beside him.
Relationships: Kevin Cozner/Ray Holt
Series: A Collection of Unrelated Prompts for a Captain, his Professor, and their Detective [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674865
Comments: 12
Kudos: 120





	We Will Never Be There Again

_"No, don’t be stupid. Nothing like that."_

It is dark in here. An indistinguishable hallway, yet familiar, empty. He is not in control as he moves forward, his heart pressing, thundering, _pulsing_ \- not enough to wash out a sudden noise.

_"I’m just going to find your husband-"_

Like sharpened scissors slicing cleanly through paper without making a cut. Then a breath. A gurgle.

_"-bring him here-"_

His voice is no longer. _Not again._ His feet won’t move any faster, maintaining the same tempo. Left. Right. _Please don’t._ Panic is flooding his insides and he is drowning. He reaches the end of the hallway, his body turns, against his will, towards the entrance.

_"-slit his throat in front of you-"_

There is always so much blood. It pooled. _Stop._ A body. Still convulsing. _No. No. No. No._ He can’t move, as if underwater, crippling hysteria, a paralytic. Blue eyes shining brightly, begging him. The blood keeps pooling. _Please make it stop._

_"-then, after you watch him suffer-"_

Lividus. _No._ Lifeless blue. _No._ He stands, feet away, unable to move. An all-consuming hysteria trapped a statued prison. _Please let me near him. If this won’t end, please let me hold his hand._

_"-kill you too."_

Raymond gasps out for air as consciousness explodes around him, prickling his skin, his heart hammering against his ribcage. He begins to heave as a wave of nausea overwhelms him. His blurred vision slowly clears- he is in bed, it is the same nightmare yet again, _thank god_ \- and he glances quickly to his right.

Kevin’s side is empty, neatly made.

His stomach, already panging from nausea, twists in agony.

He swings his feet onto the cold wooden floorboards, striding into their upstairs corridor. There is a warm light coming from downstairs. He moves quickly, but quietly, down each step and follows the source of his visibility, leading him to the entryway of their study.

He breathes out with an uncontrollable force from his lungs, freed of their constriction.

Kevin is there, nestled at the end of the couch with his red housecoat over his pajamas and both legs propped up on the adjacent seat cushion. Against his knees rests a hardcover book, adorned in a plethora of sticky notes peeking out the top, and his laptop laid open and active on the coffee table. Cheddar is sound asleep on the floor, guarding the side closest to Kevin.

He is focused, writing on what Raymond would assume is another sticky note already pressed into his current page, but begins to speak nonetheless, "Did I wake you? I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep so I figured I might as well get some productivity out of it."

Raymond had yet to regain the normal function of his larynx. Kevin looks up after a moment of unresponsiveness. He knows in an instant.

"Come here."

It is a plea that Raymond is more than happy to oblige. Kevin shifts himself forward, planting both feet on the floor and placing his book next to the laptop. Raymond sits down next to him and presses the palms of his hands against his eyelids for a brief moment.

“You had another nightmare,” Kevin says quietly, “They don’t usually last this long.”

 _"That’s because they previously never involved you,"_ Raymond could have said then. He doesn’t because this is not a burden his husband needs to carry. He refuses to be a source of guilt in any manner.

“They will stop eventually,” He offers instead. It is a weak line of reassurance but it is all he has right now. As his heartbeat slows and the panic subsides, heavy exhaustion begins to take its place.

Kevin exhales and pats his own thighs, "Lay your head down, please."

He does just so, the soft fabric of the red housecoat tickling his neck as he situates his head against his leg. Kevin’s fingers begin to trace the edges and curves of Raymond's face as his eyes remain fixated on him.

He isn’t ready to close them just yet.

"Any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed," Kevin quotes as he traces, "You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."

"That quote is overused, poorly translated, and fustian," He responds, watching the movement of his husband’s pupils above him with a newfound appreciation, "Your words. The Iliad is an elementary choice for you."

This isn’t an insult but rather an inquiry in the form of a statement.

"True, I do hate it," His index finger moves down the length of Raymond’s jawline and begins a gentle outline of his mouth, "But perhaps there is a truth to a small part of it, unrelated to the intended meaning."

"Which is?"

Kevin’s other hand is tracing words on the surface of his head, starting from his temples to where his neck met the fabric of Kevin’s clothing. He is fairly sure he is using an ancient Greek dialect. Raymond presumes it is unrelated to the matter at hand; more than likely unintentional as the professor’s mind is a lighthouse. Ideas, thoughts, and revelations are simply ships that he guides to shore.

God, he feels exhausted.

Kevin replies after a time, "We will never be here again."

His eyelids begin to flutter despite his determination to remain conscious. _Your eyes are full of life right here, right now. Azure, not lividus._ When Kevin speaks again, it is far more delicate.

"Raymond, close your eyes. We will _never_ be there again. I promise you that."

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous prompt: Your fanfic "In the Midst of Tedium", there was a segment there where Holt was afraid that Kevin was in danger. I believe he even had to calm himself down and reassure himself. The memory of Murphy threatening his husband also came to mind. I was hoping you could write more on that and have a fic which focuses on it, if that would be alright with you!
> 
> I love a chance to dabble in angst despite my affinity for fluff. Hope this delivers.


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